Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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