The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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