Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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