He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
