Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
