I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
