I heard we made out
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
