People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I need a beard to bite.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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