Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
