Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
