No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
