I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There's always time for handjobs
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
