I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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