He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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