I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
