we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
