I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Bring me that man meat
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
