This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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