so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
