We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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