i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize