C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I cockslap morals
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
