You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
