I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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