i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
