my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize