I wish I could teleport
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize