haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
