I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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