so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
