trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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