Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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