i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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