ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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