I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
