Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
