i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
do nipples grow back?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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