i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
