what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
