Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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