You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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