I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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