70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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