I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
tell me about the eggs
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
