thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
