you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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