no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
