if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
