i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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