I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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