Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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