Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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