College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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