he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
