You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
