I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
