I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
