I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
