Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
