I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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