we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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