his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
