Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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