Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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