In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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