I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I am one with the molecules
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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