A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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