You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
