On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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