Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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