We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So vagazzling was a success
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
