Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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