i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
