i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
