There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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