I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
