The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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