i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
