there's paper in my vomit.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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