you turned your livingroom into a bong?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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