I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
