I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
