and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize